AWKWARD ZOMBIE

(Note: This forum adventure is a sequel to this one. Although reading the first may help with understanding what happens in this one, I'll try to explain things so that it won't be entirely necessary.)

You are Maximillion Gaylord Finkelmeier (previously referred to as "M.G. Fink"). You are one of the greatest, most spectacular and brilliant thieves the world has ever known!

You are also pretty daisies good at tomfoolery, if you do say so yourself.

Anyway, you'd spend a short while thinking about your past exploits, like that one time you just tried to rob an office and ended up fighting your way through an evil villains base dealing with everything from bulletproof tough guys and evil dinosaur geniuses, but right now you are just a little bit busy being trying to escape from a museum with an incredibly valuable artifact.

Normally, this wouldn't be such a problem for a thief of your caliber, but you kinda screwed up a little bit and ended up getting detected.

"AFTER HIM!" the museum owner yells to his security guards "Don't let him get away! Kill him if you have to! That idol is worth more than each and every one of your lives! If he gets away, there will be consequences!"

The museum owner looked kind of how you would a man who acted like him to look. Glasses, slightly balding, suit, glasses, very slightly overweight, the usual.

Also he was a centaur

You run away from the guards as fast as you can, the guards chase after you as fast as they can , and the owner gallops after all of you as fast as he can.

You managed to make it to the lobby area. The exit is only a few yards away! You get close, but a guard manages to grab you! However, he slips and loses his grip. Little did he know that you had rigged the floor to be really daisies slippery as you were breaking in, just in case a situation like that happened!

This is what you mean when you say you are good at tomfoolery!

While the guards all slip and slide, and the owner desperately wishes that hooves weren't so terrible on slippery surfaces, you quickly slip out the door. You see a big ol' truck start to back out of the Museum parking lot. You quickly grab on to the back of it and climb to the top. Looks like you're in the clear now!

However, as the truck makes it to the highway, cars being driven by the security guards start speeding after you. "Get him, you fools!" the museum owner, who was standing in the back of a pickup truck, yelled as loud as he could.

Several security guards leap and grab on to the side of the huge truck you are standing on, and climb up on top.

Looks like you're gonna have to fight them off!

WHAT DO YOU DO?

INVENTORY:
BUSINESS CARD, INFINITY REVOLVER, DISTURBINGLY VALUABLE IDOL

EQUIPPED:
TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES, FEDORA, CRAPPY FALSE MUSTACHE

I'm going for my old standby:

USE INFINITY REVOLVER.

A LOT.

Stop you car.

Wait until the security guards roll up beside you

Hand them your buisness card

Trollface.jpg

Drive off

Buy condoms. It is goin' to be a long trip.

You take out your INFINITY REVOLVER and fire it a bunch of times at the guards. You haven't had to use this thing in a while, though, so you miss every shot, except one that bounces off one of the guard's horns. You know, because they're minotaurs.

Did I mention that the guards were minotaurs?

Because they are.



You are not driving the truck, you are merely standing on it!

You attempt to show the guards your BUSINESS CARD anyway, though. However, as you walk towards them, one of them punches you in the stomach, and another kicks you in the face. You have a hoof-shaped imprint on your forehead now, and you took 86 damage.



You are kind of busy dealing with angry minotaurs and a centaur right now, but you make a note to buy some condoms once this is over with. You never know when you might need one. Which is primarily because you never have needed one.

You are a very lonely man

INVENTORY:
BUSINESS CARD, INFINITY REVOLVER, DISTURBINGLY VALUABLE IDOL

EQUIPPED:
TRILBY-ESQUE CLOTHES, FEDORA, CRAPPY FALSE MUSTACHE

Take off your moustache and pretend to be another person with a disturbingly valuable idol.

Remove crappy false mustache and attach it to the Idol.

Jump from car to car in an escape attempt.

Throw the idol at the windshield of the guard's car and make them go off the road.

Start running, turn at the nearest corner, find a newspaper and a bench, sit down and read as the minotaurs pass you by.

Because as we all know, minotaurs wouldn't hit an innocent by-standard while reading the paper.

That's just rude.

Run with theme music.

Throw the empty revolver at one of the minotaurs to knock them off the truck. If that fails, flash them. While they are horribly distracted by your bippy flipping in the wind, kick them off the truck.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY

Also, search Truck for something to use as an improvised weapon...Or just some random shit. (It's never failed you before)

I agree, take a shit on the roof.

Take off the mustache?

Take off the mustache?

TAKE

OFF

THE

MUSTACHE?

There is now way you are ever going to do that! Ever since that incident where you somehow ended up saving the city and possibly the world from Dr. Tyranibocular, you've been hounded by reporters and congratulated by every single daisies politician within 500 miles!

How the hell is someone supposed to be a good daring thief when you are known as some sort of heroic superhero?

Thus, you stopped calling yourself M.G. Fink and started referring to yourself by your full name, and put on this false mustache so that no one can recognize you and you can be a daring thief the way you always wanted to be!

IT IS GENUIS.



You've actually never seen that movie, but you definitely know how to punch some crotches! You walk right up to one of the minotaurs and punch him right where the sun don't shine.

The guard doesn't even flinch.

...Apparently, there isn't much difference in the appearance of a male and female minotaur.



That would be incredibly pointless, because 1. A daring thief never gives up a stolen item during a heist and 2. The guards are kind of already on the truck with you, so getting rid of the car would be kind of pointless. You guess it would get rid of the driver and the museum owner, but all the driver is doing is driving and all the owner is doing is yelling at the top of his lungs from the car.

It just doesn't seem worth it.



That is perfect! Just the kind of thing a daring thief would do!

You immediately turn away from the guards and run towards the front of the truck. You make a daring leap to the car ahead of it. You then make a daring leap to the next one. And the next.

This is the only time in your life you have ever been pop flyin' that there has been heavy traffic.

The guards attempt to follow you. Although they can easily make the jump, they dent the top of the cars a little bit when they land, as they are, you know, minotaurs. This causes the drivers, already freaking out a little bit at the sight of a man jumping from car to car, to freak out even more, which makes it pretty difficult for them to keep their balance.



You are kind of on the highway right now. There isn't really any street corners and benches around.

Also, jumping to the ground at the speeds these cars are going would be really dangerous and stupid.

It would be a pretty good idea otherwise, though.



You start loudly humming some awesome theme music. It really adds to the atmosphere of the chase. At least, it would, if it weren't for the fact that you can barely hear yourself over the sound of the cars, wind, and the yelling guy in the pickup truck.



Throw the empty revolver? Why would you do that? Although technically the INFINITY REVOLVER is empty, it is always able to be fired. It never even needs reloading. You guess the bullet magically materializes in the chamber when you pull the trigger or something. A strange, kind of shifty looking guy had sold it to you and then vanished into thin air right before your very eyes.

Someday you are going to have to figure out what the hell was up with that guy.



Improvised weaponry really has never failed you before. You fondly remember all those mobsters and one dinosaur you fought with your poisoned broom javelin and crimson glass dagger.

Good times...

Wait, no, those times were horrible. The weapons were awesome, though.

Anyway, although you aren't on the truck anymore, you decide to see if the occupants of the car you are standing on have anything to lend. You lean over the side and knock on the driver's window. The old lady driving looks to her left and promptly freaks out.

You'd think she'd never seen a daring thief before.

Since she is so busy screaming at the top of her lungs, she ends up losing control of the car, which crashes into the railing of a bridge. Although the railing stops the car, you are sent flying over the edge and into the water.

You struggle for a little bit, resurface, and find your hat (which obviously fell off). You look back up to the bridge to see the centaur and minotaurs standing at the edge of the bridge. You can just barely make out what they are saying.

"Well? What are you waiting for? Diver in after him!" the museum owner yells to his guards, angrily.

"Are you kidding? You don't pay us nearly enough for us to just dive 50 feet off a bridge for just a thief"

"Just a thief? Just a thief? Do you have any idea how valuable that idol is? It's worth more than everything else in the museum put together! It's worth more than me! At it is definitely worth more than yo-"

"-worth more than us, we know already, you've told us a thousand times! But there ain't no way we are jumping off this bridge!"

"Argh! Fine! Just spread around the lake and try to find him after he comes out, okay? Don't mess this up, or you are all fired"

Well, looks like you've managed to lose them for now, but they will still be looking for you. They are probably going to have the lake surrounded. You'd better be careful.