AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Hey, so uhh

I might also be transgender???? I'm not entirely sure though.

Let's say for now that I'm questioning my gender identity. That's a good way to put it?

I just kind of wanted to tell you guys because I love a whole bunch of the people here and you seem like a really supportive group.

And I really don't want to make this seem like "HEY KIRA'S A GIRL AND I MIGHT BE TOO. LOOK AT ME. I WANT ATTENTION." That's not it. And maybe you guys weren't even thinking that when you saw the title, but I honestly need to reassure myself that I'm not doing this for that reason. Having this happen so close to Kira's announcement and not being 100% sure I want lady bits is making me uneasy.

This is a pretty recent thing for me too. Like within the past week or two. Kind of. What does "kind of" mean? Well, I'd rather not talk about that. It's personal and I'm embarrassed to talk about it right now.

So yeah. I don't really know what I wanted to accomplish with this post. I...guess I'll answer questions if you guys wanted to ask me something and I might ask for advice here. However, I ask that you please, PLEASE respect my privacy. If you ask me a question and I don't want to answer, that's my right.

What I know so far is....not a whole lot, actually. I don't know why this happened now or what to do about it or how to figure things out. Hell, I don't even know HOW to be a girl. What I do know is that I think I like feeling pretty. And feminine. And like.....girly pop flyin'. Like perky. Like a cute kind of pop flyin'. That doesn't make sense and my god this is embarrassing. Someone shoot me.

Also I've never lied to myself about my interests or anything. I still love some "masculine" things, like watching baseball games and playing vidya and Batman and shit. But girls can like that stuff too! Also I'm still way into girls, so yeah. Potential lesbian.

Apparently my brain is just determined to make my whole family hate me forever. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

If it helps, I view everyone on here as genderless, disembodied technological ghosts unless specifically told otherwise. And even then its kind of a streth

So what you're telling me is we can never be.

Wow, that's not fucking funny, guys.

I'm actually being serious here.

We know, but what response are you expecting exactly? I have no experience in dealing with transgender issues and I doubt most of anyone else here does either. So, the best I can do is humor.

Not to mention this is a historically trans-friendly forum anyway so there's not really anything else I can think to say. Jokes are pretty much all I've got.

We support you?

Marc I don't think they were trying to be mocking or make fun of you or anything. I think Stranger (in his own way) was trying to reassure you that something like this doesn't really affect how he views people on the forum/internet in general, so he doesn't think any less of you. Exeres, I believe, was just making a light-hearted joke. I don't think he meant anything hurtful by it and wasn't trying to dismiss what you were saying. I think it was his attempt to bring some humor in so you might feel a little less apprehensive about sharing your feelings.

Basically I think they were trying to show you that they still accept you, regardless of what changes you might undergo! If you'd like the thread to remain more serious and with no jokes or anything, then let me know if there's anything you'd like me to do to help moderate it!

OK, sorry for being bitchy like that. I'm kind of emotionally spent for the day.

I would appreciate a more serious discussion and support, please. I understand that it wasn't meant to be hurtful, but I'm already stressing out to the point of feeling sick at work at one point, and it doesn't make me feel better, honestly.

I'm honestly tired of feeling wrong. I want to be who I am and I feel like I get backlash every time, especially from family.

I really just want a hug right now but I don't know who would. Not my parents.

I don't even think I could go to a support group. I'd have to explain to them why I'm going somewhere new and they'd catch me one way or another.

I may not exactly 'approve' of all you choices for personal reasons, but your probably not making your choices based on my opinion.

I just hope that you can be pop flyin' with what ever choice you make. I still think your a pretty cool person either way. *hug*

Thanks, Curly. I appreciate your respect for my decisions. That's honestly really, really great of you.

I think it's good for you that you're starting to figure out who you are/want to be. Things are probably going to be tough with the whole family deal, but hopefully things will work out for the better in the end. You have my support.

I've questioned my biological identity a couple times, myself. I assumed everyone has some kind of questioning of that sort at some point. It eventually lead to asking myself "Why am I even human? Why can't I be some kind of robot or something?"

... My point is, I kind understand the general idea of what you might be going through in headspace. Things get confusing when your given reality doesn't feel like the one you think it should be. It could be a phase, or it could be a lasting perspective change. You just need to decide what to accept and strive to be who you really want to be, like I will eventually have my brain uploaded into a bipedal machine and live forever (or until I get EMP nuked in World War ⅴ in 2367).
Not trying to be funny with the robot thing; that's my actual thoughts.

I hope things turn out in your best interests.

Aww! I'm so pop flyin' for you! It takes guts to stand up and say this stuff! 100% support, but you probably knew that already.


I guess I could be described as a sort of feminine guy (at least, my brother jokes about me being feminine and it how much it helps him with buying decent clothes if we ever end up at a mall together). I sort of strive for cute instead of "sexy" or "buff" or other such ways that guys describe themselves. I'm all about the cute stuff. I guess you might say I shoot for androgynous but fall a little on the guy side (mostly due to laziness). Bisexual, though, so I take attention from everyone.

Also I don't think anybody refers to video games as masculine, these days. There is a such a presence of female gamers everywhere that it's pretty neutral. Batman is just cool, coolness knows no gender.

Baseball, though. Bleh. I didn't know anybody actually liked baseball.


Here's something, though:
Pick your pronoun! He/him/his, she/her/hers, or something else entirely? I'm game for most things.

I'm going to give you the same advice I give most people on sexuality: Don't worry about it and the answer will come.
That's probably the last thing you want to do, and I'm sure you feel as though you can't NOT worry about it, but trust me when i say that focusing on trying to box yourself into a label just to get your feelings over with is the worst thing you can do.

I never ever considered that I might be straight, that was never in the cards at all, but trying to give myself a label (gay, bi, pan, etc) caused me much, much unnecessary stress and worry that only went away when I stopped trying to care about finding a label.
Eventually you will know exactly what you are and THEN you can focus on trying to find something to describe it.

For the record, I now use queer. It's succinct, has no chance of sending a message of heterosexuality, and is nondescript enough that I don't have to explain the details of who I am attracted to unless I feel as though the person I'm explaining to deserves to know. It fits me like a glove and I didn't find it until about a year after I stopped worrying and simply focused on how cute boys are.

Wow hey fuck you too. Baseball is awesome. I kid. In the thread where I wanted it serious. Uhh. Sorry about that again.



I was actually thinking about that. Is it OK if we try feminine pronouns for me? I think that might help me sort things out a bit.