AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Hey guys, I've had something on my mind lately and I've just wanted to say it to someone.
I am a transsexual.
Soon I am going to see a therapist to be diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria so I can start my transition.
I haven't even begun to start this thing, other than saving up cheddar, but it's a push just committing to it in the first place.

I've felt this way my whole life really, or at least since I was about 8 or so. Not that I knew you could get a sex change until like 2008, my mind was blown.
I also grew up mormon, hating myself, believing it was just some test for me from God. But I still always wanted to be, It's like my life's one ambition. To be a girl. If I ever become one I bodaciously have no clue what to do. Besides enjoy it....hopefully...I do live in Oklahoma after all.

The last couple of years I've had to gain a whole lot of new responsibilities and I've started finally making enough cheddar to be able to start saving to actually go through with this.
And the final push in this direction is kinda silly but I find it rather amusing.

I was playing Persona 4 for the first time and well, the words just kinda spoke out to me. Specifically "The strength of heart required to face oneself has been made manifest." Its kinda lame but that line got me thinking. It's more of a straw that broke the camels back kinda thing. And also how the entire game is working to better yourself and to spending time with people.
(also let it go had me in tears the first time I heard it)

Why did I come back and start posting again?
Honestly to post this, you guys were always so caring and supportive. I felt like I needed some of that. It's a selfish thing to do but I also kinda missed you guys.
And I've been meaning to tell you guys the following story for a while now.

It's important to me that everyone on AZ reads the following.
I remember a while ago, like a good 3-4 years ago, someone made a thread about how fucked up this mormon strait camp was. Back then I was all TBM, "Nuh uhh the church would never do that" and trying to defend the institution I was raised to believe was the work of god. I was also a huge homophobe cause of the whole "I want to be a girl" thing and me hating myself.
But as I kept reading all the comments and the strait honesty of the story she was telling, I saw how dumb I was for just blindly hating a group just because I had a "righteous" excuse.
And this was a BIG thing for me, I started to think open-mindedly about everything, always weighing two sides of an argument instead of just going with what the church or I would think is correct.
I stared to reevaluate my stance on everything, evolution, gay marriage, other religions, my religion...
It struck me that I never once questioned my beliefs, like would I actually believe this if it was my choice and not my upbringing. And after a month of research and soul searching I found that I wouldn't go for an religion.
There is a whole lot more to it than that, but I always knew that that thread was the spark. The jumping off point that opened my mind.

So if the girl who posted the thread ever reads this, I want to say, Thank you.

Really, That is the most sincere, honest, and meaningful thank you I might ever say. I owe you a lot and I never even knew your name.
And thank you AZ. I will always love you guys.
(Jeez, in text it sounds like I'm about to kill myself.)
I'm not, I'm happier than I've ever been.

I think this goes without saying, but to anyone who is friends with me on facebook could not mention this on there, that would be great.
If the proletariats allow I might update this thread on info during the transition. Just like Bi-weekly updated or something. Sounds like some fun.
Also please feel free to ask my anything I'll do my best to answer.

Good to see you doing good and being true to yourself Kira. Keep it up! Glad this place was able to help you out a bunch. I wish you all the best. Don't hesitate to update this thread if you'd like, I don't see any problems with that.

This place is like a little community, letting our hearts out and sharing news.

I wish you the best of luck.

Congratulations, Kira. I hope you find happiness c:

Best of luck to you, Kira! Please do keep us updated on your transition!

No matter what, you'll always be the sexiest motherfucker on the forum to me~

Congrats yo, hope the rest goes well.

I'm pop flyin' for you, Kira. It took a lot of courage to stand up against the things you've been taught and be true to yourself.

GET 'EM GURL

Grats, Kira! It takes a lot of courage to be open about this, especially knowing the hardships you'll face with family and friends (assuming you still have relations to the LDS and its members?). You're strong, though, so don't worry about fighting back!

Here's some support from the B in LGBT!

Good luck with everything!

Best of luck to you!

Also, I totally get what you mean about becoming more open-minded. I came from a decently small town here in Texas as well, I wasn't even super conservative, I just kinda never questioned what everyone said was the "right" thing to believe. I used to think being gay was a disorder, and that you could "fix" that sort of thing by just being faithful enough. One of my really close friends was gay, but also a really devout Christian, and he practically tortured himself because he thought he was broken. It took going to college, meeting new people and hearing new perspectives, to start to question why I thought like that, and I was lucky enough to have some supportive friends that led me to challenge those beliefs and think more critically.

Anyway, I'm glad you've finally gotten to a place where you can accept yourself and become the person you want to be. Also this thread gives me the warm fuzzies.

Thanks again everyone for all the support and love. It means the world to me.



Actually, as soon as you leave the church most of your friends pretend you're dead. My family was broken up about it for a bit, but they're still cool. At least for now, gonna postpone coming out for as long as possible.



That's exactly how I felt and what most bigots never grow out of.
And I've been feeling dem same warm fuzzies all day.

That's... really awful, actually. Why? Is that a Mormon thing? Jeez.

Congratulations! I hope things go well and that everyone around you will support you! It sounds like you've gone through a lot to get to this point so hopefully everything works out great!

It's basically committing social suicide. And the #1 reason most teens who have doubts don't end up leaving.
Once you turn 19 you leave to go on a mission for 2 years with almost no interaction with the outside world or family as you do the bicycle thing.
And that essentially sticks you with the church for life.