AWKWARD ZOMBIE

If you've learned anything when dealing with pirates it's that you break face first, ask questions later. Readying your fisticuffs, you take a swing at the nearest pirate's jaw when he's close enough. The buccaneer staggers back a little and recovers from the jaw punch, but his mateys are already on your tail, they've both drawn their sabers and are grinning maliciously. "Yer outnumbered, boyo." one of them growls, as the other lets out a hearty seaman's laugh as he swings his sword mightily.

Dodge!
>Roll determines how quickly you dodge and whether you counterattack.

You manage to avoid the attacks narrowly, but now the first pirate snapped out of his punch-drunk stupor and is charging you with full force.

How do you counter?

> Go for the legs, hasn't failed you yet.

You take a stab at the buccaneer's legs; you figure if it worked once it should work again.
And you're right. The poor bastard falls to his knees howling in pain as he lays down to bleed to death.

Stage Comple-

NOPE NOT JUST YET BUCKO
His death enrages the remaining pirates and they both opt to dual-wield flintlock pistols. Well fuck, this looks to be pretty bad. You think if you're agile enough, you could dash under their line of fire to slash at their dirty pirate legs, but you could also err on the side of caution and just get the hell out of the way to re-plan your strategy. Or, if you're feeling especially cunning, you could silver-tongue your way out of it.

React!
> Roll determines how well you perform your chosen action.

> Suave your way into getting the pirates to shoot at each other, because that's always fun.

that's exactly what I was going to do for a high persuade roll

You raise your hands in a gesture of surrender and start talking. "Hey, man, we're in the same boat here." you begin, "Both looking for treasure and wanting to beat the hell out of someone." The pirates lower their weapons but eye you warily. "You guys can trust me." you say, turning on the suave and silver. "I've got nothing for you; I'm just looking for something to take." your eyes flit between the two. "But, uh, how do you know you've been honest to each other?" you ask, and the pirates look between themselves. "Yeah, that one I killed? He was planning on stealing your loot. Why do you think he was the first one to attack? He wanted me out of the way so he could get that chest for himself." At this, the pirates looked angrily at their dead friend, then nodded at you. You walk up real close to one of them, whispering in his ear, "But who's to say he's not planning the same?" as you point your eyes at the other. You walk around and whisper in the other pirate's ear "Better be careful, he's eyeing your gun real close." You step back and watch as the pirates glare angrily at each other, then one tackles the other and they have at it, punching and brawling, oblivious to you.

You figure you could just haul off the treasure while they're engaged, but you run the risk of them noticing you as you pull off the loot you just convinced them their friend was trying to steal. You could play it safe and wait for them to tear each other apart and pick off the survivor, but then that means sitting there and waiting for them. And you're a busy man.

What'll it be, chucklenuts?

> Wait for the winner, then act all friendly like before you pick up the loser's firearm(s) and blast his face off.

You figure watching a good rumble is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and stick around, waiting for one of them the stand victorious.
Which one does. He walks over to you and you extend a handshake and a grin, nimbly pickpocketing one of his pistols from its holster while he's distracted. You step back and drop the grin, holding up the gun to his face. The hearty mirthful expression falls from the pirate's visage as it contorts into an angry roar. You sink the remaining rounds into his stupid face and watch as the bastard hits the ground with a whump! You drop the pistol but decide to pocket the other pirate's guns; one can never have too much firepower. You heft the treasure chest with all your might and sling it through one of the holes in the hull, and you nod with satisfaction at the thump it makes after landing.

Stage Complete!
Tony Lee Marsilona advances to the third round!
Items Won:
- Flintlock Pistol (x2)
- Fuckhuge Chest of Wonder

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Blitz, take it away.

Or, y'know, don't. Either's fine.