AWKWARD ZOMBIE

Take a step back, sit the fuck down, brew up some tea, do whatever it is you do to prepare for intense shit going down because the planets are so aligned once again from secret motherfucking santa. I have an errection.

So, is your tea done? Right. Let me give you the blow by blow on what the fuck is happening here. I assume most of you weren't born in war torn Denang, so the probability is in favour of your already knowing what secret santa is. Random names get drawn, you get somebody a thing, and somebody gets you a thing. We like things yeah? I like things. Stay tuned.

How the fuck does this work? Excellent question.

- You decide that you do indeed like getting things (or giving them, if you're a liar)
- You send Uncle Spoony your full postal details, including your name
- Once the sign ups are done, Uncle Spoony sends you pictures of his dick in the mail, accompanied by another member's postal details
- Then you will have a brief period of time to examine their stool to calculate which gift they will enjoy the most
- You send it to them, hopefully to arrive before or around Christmas
- I still have an errection.

You dig? Now, like last time, there are some more details that need to be refined. For one, I don't care if you're eight years old, or whatever the fuck age a lot of you kids seem to be here - but maybe there's restrictions on the post wherever it is you live that you should look into. Which brings me to my next point: your capitalist pig dog land of the crumbling US of A is not Global Capital of Earth. Bad luck, try again next time. Point being, people live all over the place. Maybe one of you is an astronaut or some shit? I don't know. I barely remember most of your names let alone life choices. Anyway. International postage is a thing, and if you aren't prepared to send shit to a country other than your own, then don't sign the fuck up.

Speaking of, international postage can be stricter than national, so if you're sending somebody bootleg cat hair, do yourself a favour and check if you'll got to jail for it. Maybe it's worth it? That's your call, not mine, get out of my kitchen.

As per our last year, I'm not setting a price range. It really doesn't matter much. If you want to spend five dollars, fifty dollars, or no dollars, that's rad. If you want to get into some stalker shit and send your espionage partner your grandmother's antiquated pearl necklace of incalculable riches because the bond of love the two of you share is so intense then that's going to be problematic. And the reverse is just as stupid. Don't be a douche and send somebody a skin cell, or a tissue, or a key chain, or whatever the fuck else "I can't be bothered doing this properly" gift you have in mind. Don't be a dick.

Which is not to say you have to buy something, of course. Feel free to make something (so long as you didn't excrete it), BUT it has to be a PHYSICAL something. If you want to draw sonic OC art, go for gold champ, but print that fucker out on some nice glossy paper and post it. Lazy assholes need not apply.

You probably shouldn't apply if you're newish to the place as well. Not because I hate everybody (I do), but if you're new that means most people probably won't know you, and if people don't know you, they don't know what to buy you. Which drains the fun like your Mum drains my dick.

I think that sums it up. Here is a link to last year's thread for the curious. The close off date for sign ups is whenever the fuck I say so, stay tuned you sons of mothers.

I see what I posted then and I am ashamed.
Also this should be amazing.

Oh man I am so up for this.

The only problem I can see about me is that we might be moving to a new place sometime soon, or not. I could give you my grandparents' address in Florida, but it might take a while for them to tell me I have mail and then send it to me.

Eh, what the hell. It's better than giving you an address that belongs to nobody.

I need the cheddar bro, they want my liver, help a guy out yeah

I bet last christmas you gave everyone the job to give you presents and then you pretended to "forget the list".

And all I got was shitty indie fuck stick music cds from Norway

i just couldn't find a dragon dildo in your size

They don't make "trash can" size?

we all know Spoony couldn't even begin to take that.

erection only has one r

yes this is important

Unfortunately, at the moment I'm going to have to opt out this year, but if things work out for the better monetarily before the TBA cut-off date I'll make another post. Last year was a lot of fun.

R is for Ritalion~

and then i was spoony's penis?

bacon

bacon this is why you're the best

Boy, you must be a midget then, Bacon.

this is why i have my title motherfuckers