AWKWARD ZOMBIE

my favourite kid story about myself is that one summer my parents planted a bunch of goliath sunflowers in our garden, and i knocked them all down one by one with my plastic dinosaur. they thought a raccoon did it til i was 20 years old

they also thought coon ate all the banana peppers out of the garden too but it was in fact me snacking on them when i was outside

There's a story that my family always loves bringing up

So one day when I was super-duper young, my mom was planting bulbs and taught me that they grew into plants and stuff
That night I dreamed about something, and I went to tell my parents what it was
I totally forgot what it was, though, so I just said "I dreamed about bulbs!"

I feel bad for also scarring my little brother. He is now terrified of smokey the bar because he'd see the commercials come on tv, the one where the matches form a tree, house and other things, and a music box song plays. My little brother asked me who he was and I said he was Smokey the Bear and that if he was bad and made a fie in the forest, he would eat him. So now whenever the commercial comes on he shrieks and switches the channel. I regret doing this.

When I was in elementary school I was apart of the "Banana splits" club that was a support group for kids with divorced parents. But my parents were still together I just went to have people to talk to about my problems. The teachers let me stay in it and it was probably the only thing that got me through 3rd grade.

"The Banana Splits"

that is the most innocent sounding divorced parents help group name I've ever heard

I actually didn't get it until I was in middle school. At the end of each year we ate bannana splits and signed each others cards. I still have mine.

When we were little, I tried to help my little sister get out of a tree she climbed up and accidentally dropped her on her head.

When I was little, I thought "Drinking and driving" meant "ingesting any beverage while in a car."

One time we're at a red light, and a cop is right next to us. Dad is drinking a Coke from McDonalds or something.

I scream out to Dad that he's going to be arrested by the cop who is right there! Drinking and driving is bad! To Dad's credit, he actually put the drink down and didn't say anything about it until we had gotten home where he could explain it properly.

Also I used to pretend I was a cat and drink milk out of a bowl. That didn't last too long though.

When I was a kid, and in the middle of my worst Ninja Turtles mania, I pretended everything I ate was pizza, just because the Turtles always ate it. And the funny thing is, I didnt even LIKE pizza back then, something about the grease levels made me naseous.

Well that explains a lot.

One time I put on my older brother's GoT shirt, and then I put one of my dogs up in the shirt with me so I could look like King of the North.

Nevermind that last one, that was two weeks ago!

When I was little I watched Disney movies nearly every second of every day, and we had them on these recordable video tapes which had labels on the side that said what movies were on the tape as labels are wont to do. Then, a new Disney movie came out, and I got an idea into my head: I could be watching that movie instantly if I just wrote the name of it down on the VHS label. Like, writing the name of a movie down on the tape just magically puts the movie in there for you to watch.

I still can't believe I wanted to waste my magic VHS tapes on "Peter Pan 2."

When I was little, I would play "10 little monkeys jumping on the bed," so I would jump on the bed a lot, and whenever I said the verse, "One fell down and bumped his head," I would throw myself off the bed and land on my head.

I would also play this game I called "Superman," which had me jumping off the bed in a Superman flying pose and landing on my head.

My parents told me to stop bumping my head because it would get sore, and my toddler self interpreted it as "Keep bumping your head and it will GET SWORD."

I used to be obsessed with Sonic and did the same thing except instead of pizza it was chili dogs. I actually liked chili dogs though.


I tried breaking my tv once because I wanted to get Goku out of the tv and into real life. I think I was like 4.